The View These Days

This is the tension I live in these days. This is my view. It was startling when he was old enough and tall enough to sit in the front passenger seat beside me. And then when his voice seemed to change overnight. But this is catch-your-breath, oh-when-did-he-get-old-enough, hold-me-Jesus, kind of a place.

Where did my spunky, smiley-faced, strawberry blond headed boy go? The spunk is still there and the strawberry blond has turned into a wonderful shade of auburn. The smile still makes its way out even amidst the teenage-ness.

This is the tension where I sit these days.
Thinking of how nice it will be, when the coach decides practice should go an hour later than he told parents and I sit waiting thinking of all I could have accomplished, and he can drive himself home, but knowing I’ll miss those afternoon conversations. How he laughs when telling me something goofy one of his friends did or how he made a great play in practice.
Terrified that he will be on the road, without one of us in the passenger seat telling him to slow down or not turn so sharp or a thousand other instructions, while thinking how nice it will be not to have to deal with morning school traffic or dropping everything to take him to the batting cages or something he and his friends planned at the last minute because he is not a planner. God made me a planner. Then he gave me a child who is not and laughed.
So yes this is the tension in which I sit these days. With him in my usual place as we move from one of his activities to the next.” And while some days I have to catch my breath from getting him one place to the next I try to stop myself from complaining. In eight short months he will be driving on his own.
Yes, this is where I sit these days. It’s one of those tensions you realize it’s best to embrace because you know you don’t want to miss it.