I read these words from Emily and I understand. Perhaps this is why words come so hesitant these days.
Wishing the pain felt by those dear would disappear. Their bodies broken without understanding. Most days not allowing the worry to settle in, knowing His ways can not be understood but still trusting.
Yet still there are days when I wish for the gift of healing to take their pain away, and maybe this is selfish for seeing their pain wearies my soul.
This is only part of the weariness, though.
My spirit tires of these culture wars as well. Wondering why there are those who fight so vehemently against something they believe, never seeing those on the other side of the issue as humans who are also loved by God.
“Love the sinner, not the sin,” we are told. But somewhere along the way we were taught to distance ourselves from the sinners forgetting that we are also sinners.
We became pharisees.
Do we forget that Jesus freed the woman at the well from her sin? Do we remember that he associated with the lowest of citizens? The broken and bruised and sinful.
Why are we so afraid to love those with different beliefs that our own? Do we really need to defend our religious convictions so much that we leave grace at the altar of contempt? Have we become so arrogant that we think God needs us to defend Him?
We hear boycott and protest or support, but to what end? Can each side not respect the other in spite of the differences?
And I wonder if this is where the enemy sits back and laughs thinking he is winning. Covering our eyes so we do not love and grace will not be given. Masking these issues as important when there is so much else to do.
Do the hungry children in Sri Lanka and other countries and the ones sold into the sex slave trade care whether or not you support Chick-Fil-A? They are just praying to survive. I’m sure those here in our own cities living in cardboard boxes under overpasses do not care.
Can we love those we view as broken and in need of Christ’s love without admitting that we ourselves are broken and in need of Christ? Can we honor them in spite of our own beliefs? Our cracks may appear differently, but they are still cracks. These fissures of our souls messy and frustrating and beautiful.
Yes, my soul is weary of this battle that seems to have raged for so many years now. Yes, I have a spirit that feels deep pain when conflict appears especially when there are those I care for on each side.
Yes, the ache for heaven and a new earth is strong today.