Ordinarily Extraordinary » Finding my voice & art through a journey of faith & grace.

He climbs in the van and we maneuver the small town traffic to his art teacher’s studio. He loves art lesson days. Most days I ask how his day was as I pick him up and he says “fine.” Some days he says “great,” but in his sarcastic voice. He’s not a fan of school. Then he asks how my day was. I love how he almost always asks this. Pulling any more information from him about his day is rare, though. I ask what he did in his classes. “Nothing,” he usually replies. Some days he reports on the misbehavior of other students. Me always asking about his behavior. Discussions about school have always been this way.

On art days after I pick him up from his art lessons, though, he opens up a bit more. Not about school as it is, but about other things. Life. His deep thoughts often surprising me. Asking questions I can not answer. Many times theological in tone. His art, his gift, does this for him.

The Pressure of Perfection

Last week he comments about a certain situation saying he always felt like he had to be perfect when he was there. Children perceive so much more than we realize.

I let perfectionism go several years ago. One look at my house and you would undoubtedly agree.

While reading a book by A.W. Tozer recently I saw perfection in a completely different light than in the past.

“He did not create us to be the best we can be apart from Himself……Man’s ideal of perfection always excludes Christ. But God’s idea of perfection is complete maturity in Jesus Christ…..Man’s idea of perfection is to reach man’s highest ideal. God’s idea of perfection is for us to reach our highest ideal in Christ.”

Distorted Perfection

Humanity distorts true perfection. Too often we base our worth on the quality of how we perform any number of tasks. The pressure for perfection causing us to question if we are loved when we do not measure up or please others.

As I sat reading these passages over and over I realized a truth I think God has been trying to teach me for some time.

God sees us through the perfection and grace of Christ. Yes we disappoint him. Yes we make mistakes. I make mistakes every day. We will never reach complete perfection this side of heaven.

We are worthy not because we are perfect or because we can reach perfection. We are worthy, imperfections and all, because God sees us through the lens of Christ.

When we relinquish the expectations we place on ourselves for perfection, when we release the expectations we have for others to be perfect, we can begin to understand just how vast His love and grace for us is. We will begin to understand He is sufficient even when we are not.

When our spirit grasps that humanity’s view of perfection is a misperception we can become who He created us to be. Not who our family want us to be. Not who our friends expect us to be, but who He created us to be. A creation He sees as perfect through the love and grace of Christ.

Have you struggled with the pressure to be perfect? 

I believe God still performs miracles. I know people who have experienced them. Yet there are times I doubt.

I don’t usually discuss some aspects about life here in my online space. Some times because they aren’t always my stories to share and other times because I don’t feel the need to share.

The health of my mother and the health of my husband’s mother are two of those aspects. They both suffer from chronic autoimmune diseases. The treatments that have kept them alive also cause some nasty long term side effects.

I Don’t Usually Worry

My mother has been sick most of my life so maybe I’m used to it all. Perhaps that’s why I don’t spend time worrying about their health problems.

Late the Monday night before Easter my husband’s mother had to be hospitalized. Without going in to detail she had quite a bit to overcome. Although he remained calm I could tell my husband was worried. By Thursday the doctors knew what treatments were needed. Only certain family members were allowed to visit and we expected her to be there for at least another week.

So many prayers were going up for her.

On Easter Sunday I could tell my husband was still concerned after he saw her.

Monday rolled around, though, and she was well enough the doctors planned to release her on Tuesday.

Doubting

And I wondered if it was too soon. After all they had just told us it would be at least another week. Of course I wanted her to be better and to be home, but still I wondered.

I felt like a doubting Thomas.

Even though I felt firm in trusting Him the week leading up to Easter when it felt like anything that could go wrong was going wrong. Even though I felt completely surrounded by his presence during that week the doubt now crept in.

Pastor Chris’s Easter message was on miracles. We think of the stories of healing in the bible. Physical healings: The lame who walked and the blind who saw. I think there are other miracles too. Things that most wouldn’t consider miracles because we always think of the physical ones.

But if I’m honest sometimes I doubt physical healings. I know people who have been miraculously healed. I don’t doubt their experience.

Yet here I was doubting in this miracle. This small miracle that my mother-in-law was going home days before originally thought. No, she wasn’t completely healed, but she was better. A small miracle.

Thankfully God doesn’t perform miracles based on my doubts.

Have you ever doubted miracles? Do you believe miracles still happen?

Have you ever heard someone say “they must not be living right” when they hear of others going through a difficult situation or time in their life? No one ever says it about serious issues like illnesses, but about the sometimes annoying things that happen in life. Days when nothing seems to go according to plan.

Have you ever had one of those weeks? Have you ever paused and thought back to any decisions you made prior to those days that seemed to fall apart?

Anything that Could Go Wrong

The last week of March brought confirmation about a couple of things I have been praying about for the past nine months. Then the first week of April anything that could go wrong seemed to go wrong.

I planned out my Monday determined to get myself in a more productive routine. Monday morning had other ideas as it sometimes does. My son woke with pain in his hip. I call them phantom pains. Pains having no rhyme, reason or cause. I eventually get him to school trying once again to get back to the routine I had planned for myself.

Monday evening a close family member had to be hospitalized and my husband did not make it home until almost midnight.

Tuesday arrived and I dive into my new routine and the day moves along nicely in spite of the illness with the family member.

But all that changed during the early morning hours of Wednesday morning. I woke during the night and ended up falling doing a pretty bang up job on my shoulder. And I don’t mean that in a good way. By Wednesday morning as my husband and son were leaving for school and work I was worried I had broken something. I could barely get dressed my shoulder hurt so badly. Any movement of my arm caused pain.

Nothing was broken, but the ER put me in a sling, nonchalantly said it looked like there was a bit of separation in my shoulder, told me to see an orthopedic doctor and sent me home with pain relievers.

Thankfully the trip to the orthopedic doctor brought better news that it was just severely bruised, instructions to lose the sling, rest it, ice it and come back in a week if it wasn’t better.

Still in a great deal of pain I breathed a sigh of relief.

Approved

Still with all the events of the week I couldn’t help but wonder why. Why did it feel like anything that could go wrong was? I could have laughed saying “I must not be living right.”

But I think the opposite is true. Not that I was living perfectly. I am far from that. No, opposite in that I am beginning to believe when you make decisions and you have complete peace about them I think you can expect resistance. I’m not one to see the devil around every corner, but I do believe we battle an unseen enemy. And sometimes all it wants is to frustrate and discourage you.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. (Ephesians 6:12 NIV)

Was it frustrating that nothing seemed to be going according to my plans for the week? Absolutely. But I kept counting the gifts and tried to keep a positive attitude believing that the decisions made the week before were approved by God.

After all, I know His grace is sufficient. Even when it all seems to be falling apart.

Have you ever had a week where nothing went according to plan? What gifts are you thankful for today? 

909. For an outside run/walk. (4.2.12)
910. For fields of red clover. (4.2.12)
911. For sunrises through fog. (4.3.12)
912. For no copay at ER. (4.4.12)
913. For birds singing outside my window. (4.4.12)
914. For Penguins of Madagascar. (4.4.12)
915. For time to read and rest. (4.4.12)
916. For powerade. (4.4.12)
917. For my shoulder not being separated like ER doctor thought, but just severely bruised! (4.5.12)
918. For Chris taking such good care of me. (4.5.12)
919. For Sarah Beth and all she does. (4.5.12)
920. For the return of the banana pudding milkshake. (4.6.12)
921. For an incredible Easter service on Good Friday! (4.6.12)
922. For my shoulder healing. (4.9.12)
923. For a morning of exploring with my camera. (4.10.12)
924. For a two mile walk. (4.10.12)
925. For Sam playing outside. (4.10.12)
926. For ice packs. (4.10.12)
927. For Chris’s mom coming home from the hospital. (4.10.12
928. For blueberry bagels. (4.11.12)
929. For a husband who doesn’t mind cleaning up the kitchen after dinner. (4.12.12)
930. For naps. (4.13.12)
931. For a spring breeze. (4.14.12)
932. For golden light. (4.14.12)

Joining in with Peter Pollock and the One Word Blog Carnival: Approved.

I sit watching as sun streams through my windows. Yellow walls glow as day begins to brighten. Sunrise – the paint aptly named. Birds awaken just before dawn. Sharing their songs, their gifts, all at once. Each so different yet forming one masterpiece. I never tire of listening to them.

I sit, legs curled under blanket, in the same chair almost each morning. Watching out the glass door and windows. Trees and plants morphing from one season to another. Branches and limbs embracing change with grace knowing their roots are firmly planted.

Change is never easy. At times carrying anticipation and excitement. Yet often change frightens. Comfort zones mire us in misleading safety. Pushing away the safety of our comfort zone may not seem safe. Almost always it is an act of faith. Of learning to trust.

Without change spring green leaves do not sprout. Without change autumn colors fail to paint my favorite season.

Slowly, I am learning to embrace change. I am learning there are times you have to take a deep breath and jump. There are times you have to simply trust and know that He is sufficient even when shadows threaten. There are times we just have to do it afraid.

Without change we cannot grow.

Have you taken any leaps lately? What gifts are you counting today?

Continuing to count the gifts:
862. For a second productive day in a row. (2.28.12)
863. For grocery shopping at Publix. (2.29.12)
864. For grilled cheeses. (2.29.12)
865. For washing machines.  (3.1.12)
866. For a delicious dinner at Springhouse. (3.1.12)
867. For words flowing. (3.1.12)
868. For birds singing. (3.2.12)
869. For energy, motivation & breath to run and walk. (3.2.12)
870. For walking onto the porch and seeing a full rainbow across the road. (3.2.12)
871. For safety through the storms. (3.2.12)
872. For Sundays. (3.4.12)
873. For a morning & subject to photograph. (3.5.12)
874.. For energy to complete the tasks on my list. (3.5.12)
875. For energy & motivation to exercise. (3.6.12)
876. For another productive day marking off the to do list. (3.6.12)
877. For headache relief. (3.7.12)
878. For my essay even being considered. (3.7.12)
879.  For another productive day. (3.8.12)
880. For listening to the rain as it falls outside the window. (3.9.12)
881. For laughter from Sam and his friend. (3.10.12)
882. For sunlight breaking through the clouds. (3.11.12)
883.  For a burst of energy. (3.12.12)
884. For energy to finish the bathroom painting. (3.13.12)
885. For Sam’s laughter. (3.13.12)
886. For crock-pots. (3.13.12)
887.  For Sam always asking me if I’ve had a good day. (3.14.12)
888. For the feeling you get after a haircut. (3.15.12)
889. For spring showers. (3.16.12)
890. For tips that work to get yellow stains out of white shirts. (3.17.12)
891. For four miles and no ankle pain. (3.22.12)
892. For boys’ laughter. (3.22.12)
893. For an $18 lamp. (3.22.12)
894. For birds singing in the rain. (3.23.12)
895.  Sunrise and clouds over the trees. (3.24.12)
896. For my friend Stacey. (3.26.12)
897. For talks with Sam.  (3.26.12)
898. For getting through the day on three and a half hours of sleep. (3.26.12)
899. For eight hours of sleep. (3.27.12)
900. For waking before sunrise. (3.27.12)
901. For changes of heart. (3.28.12)
902. For confirmations after nine months of prayer.(3.28.12)
903. For a sweet baby, an old oak, open fields and the foothills. (3.29.12)
904. For doing it afraid. (3.30.12)
905. For glow in the dark eggs and friends. (3.30.12)
906. For productive pajama days. (3.31.12)
907. For rain storms and sky glowing with lightning. (3.31.12)
908. For early mornings with words flowing. (4.1.12)