Choosing Joy

Happiness. Somewhat a difficult topic for me to write about. I’m not what anyone would consider a peppy, upbeat person. I wear my heart on my sleeve which tends to leave my emotions on an almost constantly swinging pendulum. Emotions I keep hidden inside. Not exactly fertile territory for constant happiness.

Melancholy: a pensive mood. A good characterization of my personality.  A lot of people think I’m sad or depressed because I’m not an upbeat, happy go lucky person. Nothing frustrates me more.

I. Don’t. Need. To. Be. Fixed.

My faith is not in trouble or question or in doubt because I am not happy.

Happiness is usually caused by external forces. Sure there are things I do that help me keep a more positive mindset and handle that pendulum of emotions better. Eating well, exercising, getting enough rest, recharging my introverted self with down time.

The practice that helps keep the emotions in check the most though is my time spent studying, praying and simply being still.

So yes there is some connection to my faith with how well I handle my emotions. I just wish people could understand that even when my melancholy bent gets the best of me it does not mean I have no joy. Somedays it might be easier seen than others, but I have it. And if I have to choose between happiness and joy I choose joy. Because in knowing that joy, I always have hope.

Do you find yourself in moments of joy knowing you have hope even though you may not be happy?


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