Your insecurities can rear their ugly little heads when you least expect them. This week it seems like mine are bombarding me.
A couple of months ago I was asked if I would volunteer my time to shoot an event for an organization. I happily agreed. It’s an organization I love so I didn’t mind. And to be honest in the back of my mind I’m thinking it can’t hurt to get myself out there marketing wise for my photography to the age group of this event.
Fast forward to a few nights ago. While discussing the final details with the organizer of this event I asked about the group shot time and place which is something that is always taken at this event. The organizer tells me that his boss told him to call another photographer to do the group shot. Now to be fair to both this organizer it was a chaotic time as he had just stepped into this position and was in the process of relocating his family. And to be fair, his boss didn’t know I had already been asked to take photos at the weekend event.
So my feelings were hurt. It was just misunderstandings and I can be a big girl and work through that. No problem. I’ll shoot the snapshots of the weekend.
Now fast forward again to the beginning of the event last night. I had been shooting for over an hour of the registration, dinner and then a few minutes into the beginning of the first session I see the other photographer taking photos.
Here’s where my insecurity rears its ugly little head. I become extremely frustrated. Why on earth is the other photographer shooting the event I was asked to shoot? And secondly is the other photographer being paid when I am volunteering my time? I had a moment to ask the organizer and he assured me he had not asked the other photographer to come and take photos.
I’ll go ahead and admit I’m being a little selfish here. When I agreed I thought I was the only one shooting the event. It would be different if I had been told upfront there would be another photographer. I’ve shot events with other photographers before and I’m perfectly fine with that as long as I know ahead of time.
I’m not blaming the organizer of the event. He did not ask the other photographer to be there. Someone volunteering for the event did without asking him if he already had someone photographing it. Again, just a boatload of miscommunication and not going to the person in charge.
It comes down to this the other photographer being asked to shoot made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. That’s it in the proverbial nutshell. Even though it was simply miscommunication I felt like my skills weren’t good enough.
Insecurity. It’s an ugly thing. I know a lot of it has to do with the perfectionist tendecies I have. Being afraid of doing something wrong or imperfect the first time instead of trying and trying again.
So this morning I’ve had to step outside myself and remind myself that it was just miscommunication on the part of others and give myself a boost of self-confidence.
This verse I wrote about a few weeks ago kept coming to mind.
This one also: Jeremiah 1:5 Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.
And this one: Psalm 139:13-14 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
So I’m off to photograph more of this event. Telling myself that if God’s works are wonderful then I have no need to be insecure. Because I am one of his works.
What about you? What insecurities do you struggle with?