Dreaming Again

Maybe restless nights are so I'm reminded his mercies are new each morning.
As a little girl I could be found reading. Not outside running around or playing. Reading. I loved to read.

So it should be of no surprise that I have wanted to write for as almost as long as I can remember being able to read.

But along the way, growing up, it becomes easy to lose your dream. Pressures to conform or please everyone or a myriad of other circumstances can cause you to question whether you should pursue your dream.

Or worse yet they may cause you to believe you aren’t good enough to reach for your dream.

Somewhere along my journey I believe this happened to me. Perfectionism, rejection, never really “fitting” in, caused me to question everything. Instead of putting myself out there and risking failure I never tried. I gave up the things I enjoyed doing like music and singing and writing.

Then, five years ago, I discovered blogging. I began blogging simply to share my crafting with friends and family news with friends and family we aren’t able to see often. Now that my son is getting older he doesn’t want as much shared about him and I understand that. It’s becoming his story to tell and less of mine. I still share some things about him, but not as much.

About two years ago, though, I began noticing a shift. As my spiritual life changed so did my writing. Before I realized it God had given me back my love for writing. Without the boundaries of college classes or expectations of superiors I found freedom.

While I do on occasion sit down at the piano and you can find me singing along to music when I’m home alone or in the car and singing again is still a pipe dream, music isn’t the talent that comes as easily for me.

But writing? It comes easier. It’s just as much work and most days I still fight the thoughts of not being good enough and the worry of what others will think and the resistance most artists of any kind face. Along the way though God has sent such encouragers to lift me up. Preston, Stacey, Robert and my friend Sarah Beth are the ones that come to mind immediately, but there are so many more also I don’t think I can list them all. I am so thankful for real life friends as well as my online community that encourage me.

So where do I go from here? Where do I find opportunities for guest posting or for freelance work? And how do I overcome the procrastination to begin the personal writing project I have been brainstorming for months? And how do I do this and find a job I can do from home or can it be both? A job that I love that uses my strengths and writing?

How do I put myself out there?

I’m not sure where to begin, but those are the goals: to guest post more, to seek opportunities for freelance work, to defeat the procrastination, to begin writing the book I think God has given me the idea for, and one other goal to use my blog and writing that I can’t quite bring myself to type just yet.

Maybe speaking these aloud here on the page will help me accomplish them.

What about you? What are some dreams or interests, old or new, that you want to pursue more?


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