I don’t usually discuss some aspects about life here in my online space. Some times because they aren’t always my stories to share and other times because I don’t feel the need to share.
The health of my mother and the health of my husband’s mother are two of those aspects. They both suffer from chronic autoimmune diseases. The treatments that have kept them alive also cause some nasty long term side effects.
I Don’t Usually Worry
My mother has been sick most of my life so maybe I’m used to it all. Perhaps that’s why I don’t spend time worrying about their health problems.
Late the Monday night before Easter my husband’s mother had to be hospitalized. Without going in to detail she had quite a bit to overcome. Although he remained calm I could tell my husband was worried. By Thursday the doctors knew what treatments were needed. Only certain family members were allowed to visit and we expected her to be there for at least another week.
So many prayers were going up for her.
On Easter Sunday I could tell my husband was still concerned after he saw her.
Monday rolled around, though, and she was well enough the doctors planned to release her on Tuesday.
And I wondered if it was too soon. After all they had just told us it would be at least another week. Of course I wanted her to be better and to be home, but still I wondered.
I felt like a doubting Thomas.
Even though I felt firm in trusting Him the week leading up to Easter when it felt like anything that could go wrong was going wrong. Even though I felt completely surrounded by his presence during that week the doubt now crept in.
Pastor Chris’s Easter message was on miracles. We think of the stories of healing in the bible. Physical healings: The lame who walked and the blind who saw. I think there are other miracles too. Things that most wouldn’t consider miracles because we always think of the physical ones.
But if I’m honest sometimes I doubt physical healings. I know people who have been miraculously healed. I don’t doubt their experience.
Yet here I was doubting in this miracle. This small miracle that my mother-in-law was going home days before originally thought. No, she wasn’t completely healed, but she was better. A small miracle.
Thankfully God doesn’t perform miracles based on my doubts.