Jealousy, Words & Disappointment

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I sit typing words. Then delete. Type again. Delete again. Nothing I write expressing what I want to say. Frustrating myself. Disappointed.

Ideas appear and I make a note. I know my thoughts will flesh out soon enough on the subjects. Yet I’m disappointed that they do not surface. They will.

This bout of sinus and allergy bringing a fog I know. Restless nights when feeling unwell doesn’t make for the best mindset or focus. Lack of energy and rest pulling me away from the exercise even though I know it helps.

Places I pass my mind’s eye seeing through camera. Anxious to see through another lens. Yet weather and obligations cause me to push aside the urging. Another disappointment.

 

I read of other bloggers, these writers who inspire me, setting off to conferences. Meeting face to face. And can I be honest and say I’m jealous? Jealous that they will have real life experiences with others who understand them. A group to which they can belong.

I know I could have gone. My husband would have encouraged me to if I had brought it up. But then the thought was overwhelming. And I wonder if it would have been the best conference for me to begin. Feeling like I’ve only recently found my niche with my writing and blogging.

I’m growing with it and I know it’s time to step out a bit. Submit for more guest posts. Attend a conference. Push myself out of this introverted comfort zone. To remember that it’s only when we change that we grow. It’s time to leap.

To know that I won’t fall if rejection is felt. That rejection doesn’t mean failure.

 

Yet I’m disappointed in myself that I’m jealous. I know He is sufficient. This truth He is trying to teach me. Some days though it’s easier to know than to feel. I do not need to feel like I’m on the outside because He is sufficient for all my needs. I stop and count the gifts He gives and know I am blessed.

That is where the crux lies. Forgetting amidst the allergies and grey days of strange winter to count the gifts. These graces that sustain.

His grace is sufficient for when jealousy appears.

So I give myself grace. I put memories in photos to the page. I put brush with paint to canvas. I plan time for photo excursions. I put words to page even if only ideas. Knowing thoughts will flow again.

And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

 

Sharing today for Joy’s Life Unmasked and Peter Pollock’s One Word at a Time.

Life: Unmasked